I went to NUS to do my medical check up last week! After days of agonizing at levels only paranoid hypochondriacs like myself are capable of (e.g the time I was convinced I had esophagal cancer. Or the time I boycotted manicures because the polish is used on both hands and other vain girls' feet = possibility of hand foot and mouth disease!), I was declared
Not preggies
Not at risk of heart complications
Free from structural defects
STD-less
(So much for Limmeng trying to bluff me that my painful ulcer was a herpes sore!!! What an ftard but I got a bit scared for a while until it healed)
Catastrophically myopic
Even after I told the chio nurse that I didn't bring my glasses, she was mistakenly optimistic and suggested I just continue with the eyesight test. I said OK and gazed at the microscopic black ants on the screen and started reading out random letters in a very confident way, trying to deceive her into letting me pass. Instead she just started loling! Then she said 'Read the upper row' and I listed out a stream of nonsensical letters that were probably completely wrong.
I failed as badly as my old ESS quizzes :'(
We also had to do urine tests to check for blood, microorganisms and bacteria. It was terribly awks emerging from the toilet with a cup of pee and I felt like everyone was judging me for it. I was definitely judging other people especially those with super orange/yellow pee and thinking yucks never drink enough water LOL
Next we did X-Rays in blue robes
Bet you didn't know everyone had to be naked under the robe for the X-Ray LOL. The other candidates didn't seem as amused as me though :-( neither did my friend whom I took the pic to show when she asked what the examination consisted of.
Going to NUS fills me with a bit of a sense of dread, maybe it's just the looming weight of orientation though... There is nothing more unbearable and nightmarish to a chronic introvert like me than peer pressure to socialize!! Ice breakers cheering when you don't feel excited couple activity coercion and learning hundreds of names in one gulp like when we were studying Meiji Restoration is not fun at all, but everyone is saying if you don't go to camp you'll be a friendless loser and networking failure when school begins :-(
I guess I'm taking that risk based on my experience in ACS orientation of which I ponned half. On hindsight I am still friends with some of the people I met then but our friendship was not forged through dancing and squeezing together on a sheet of newspaper but over timeee. Contrarily I was compelled to become close to people mainly to endure the tiring hours of activities and these accelerated relationships have kinda long dissolved liao.
I feel extremely and righteously reassured by my own soliloquy LOL don't blame you if you skipped that whole paragraph. Recollecting orientation days that were never written about here reminds me of how Niran confessed he first wrongly thought I was the MGS head prefect before we got to know each other. HOW I ROFLED
tl;dr orientation seems like a poor way to spend my holiday though I'm a bit anxious abt the outcome, then again my personal conviction "never turn back on a pon" has yet to disappoint me and even ponning JCLP was harmless, plus it seems my claims of being adept at making succint arguments in my uni apps were lies...
I'm sitting boredly in front of my com trying to ration my consumption of Peep Show. It's a brilliant British series with 8 seasons that Rachel introduced to me...but only 6 eps per season?!?! So I am only trying to watch 3 a day max, or else it will run out before Pretty Little Liars returns.
Then I started feeling resentful about the fact that my mum is always chiding me about waking up early and being productive. I do not see how waking up at 8 a.m makes me productive at ALL conversely I'll just be headachey and grumpy after 3 p.m when I'm out/giving tuition. What is even open at 8 a.m except schools, Macs, and the market anyway?!
Then I started wondering what I could do to be productive and decided...I should scan those neoprints since Ainsley's in Tekong!
LOL we are complete nutters. It's funny to think that Ainsley and I both had the same miscalculated impressions about each other which we revealed later on.
I was in Japan last week and came back a few days ago! I've no interesting pictures though, those of me were taken by my mum and she seems to hate zooming in so I'm always the size of a noseshit in every pic. When I went to Kamakura I went absolutely mad at the Big Buddha temple and when I came back 80% of the pics in my camera were of the Big Buddha from every possible angle LOL
I also persuaded my mum to take me to the Ueno zoo on the pretext of looking at pandas (which she loves) when actually I wanted to stare at crocodiles all afternoon. Sadly I was the one who got played cos she refused to walk with me across the zoo to the reptile section and we really ended up only observing pandas.
On occasion, people have commented that I look like a Japanese girl. THIS IS NOT TRUE!
When I went there I was mindblown. I think I thought 'Omg that girl is so hot' a million times...
Japanese girls are so hardcore about being chio!!! They wear heels everywhere, even on rainy days to trek up slopes/stroll in parks/visit fish market/explores shrines in forests. They're amazing!
Every single owner of a vagina was wearing make up too. Even the old ladies.
I came back very motivated to be chio every day of my life so I dutifully wore heels yesterday and my feet are weeping now Y_Y
It was one peculiar (??) memorable (!!) night.
While we were having drinks by the fountain in MBS, Stan suddenly dared us to jump into the fountain and pretend to be snorkeling in exchange for a sum of money. He turned his intense Stan eyes on me and asked how much money I would accept to simulate a dolphin in the fountain.
I got very intimidated because Stan sometimes really spends his money in generous ways that horrify my miserly soul and if I said a figure in the hundreds range, he might actually pay!!
I suspiciously said 1000 dollars. Stan said 500 and was absolutely earnest about leaping in.
He was about to dive in when we reminded him that he's part of the top 10 percentile of MINDEF's military this year and he had the authority to answer to (Clifton).
Then he got very intense and declared that army life cannot be permanent for him because the freedom of a civilian to swim in fountains is much more important.
That night a female Brazilian DJ was spinning, Mary Olivetti. She was quite pretty and veh good actually, she was also accompanied by her Brazilian friends who were 3 ladies wearing glitter and feathers and 2 buff men jiggling on a podium in silver speedos.
Later as everyone else left for Zouk habitually, I hobbled through empty MBS and cabbed to a safe place to hide til morning where I slept fitfully on a sofa bed, had neverending absurd dreams and woke up feeling crazily energized and high.
From then on
I have remained awake
Until now
As we speak
SLEEP IS BENEATH ME
I'm also sadly thinking about how, in a few months, maybe there will be no more Ainsleys, Celes, Arjuns, Joys, Gabriels, Nirans etc here. I wonder who I'll be blogging about, a whole new set of names?! I don't think so anyway lol, unless they all desert me!!
Like Stifler I wouldn't mind living in an eternal state of high school
Today in the newest episode of Tekong's Next Top Models, Ainsley Tham underwent the...
BALDNESS MAKEOVER!
I followed him to some $10 salon where a lady brusquely razored off his precious hair, which has been blogged about regularly here since the old days of P.Soo's hair checks.
Immediately after, he kept exclaiming "OMG it's so soft! I'm a soft toy! Touch my scalp!" and when I refused, he headbutted my arm. It was extremely prickly.
What a liar.
Then we went to take neoprints!
[neoprints here if Ainsley scans them]
I've been going to the arcade very often the past few days; it's really a money draining enterprise :-(
Gabriel spent 20 dollars (from Stan's wallet) on a retarded claw game. We still failed to win the Hello Kitty tissue box cover though lolol.
Celeste has flown off to Taiwan to relive our farming days. Her tale of stinky tofu-oyako prompted me to find my Taiwan diary that Mr Jarrett made us keep, and inspected daily at night. I read the first entry and loled:
1 May
Today we flew China Airlines to Taiwan. Airplane meals are very important and I chose fish with light brown sauce and rice for lunch. The appetizer was boiled shrimp and vermicelli salad, and the dessert was a slice of fluffy sponge cake with a layer of peach cream in between and a segment of an orange. The fruit selection was papaya, pineapple, and green apple.
That was all! Mr Kan probably liked it.
Niran and I also discovered that our mums are equally fanatical about Feng Shui. They are avid followers of a Feng Shui god called Lillian Tu and forced both of us to carry a tiny blue rhino statue around in our bags/pencil cases!!! I loled when he told me how Gabriel once ransacked his pencilcase and found it. The only word that can accurately describe this is: uncanny. Our mums would probably be very good friends too.
I'm thinking about what to write now and the first thing that comes to mind...
is THE FATTEST LIZARD I EVER SAW IN MY LIFE
Oh Jesus just typing those words sent a shiver up my spine!
Just like the many Tekong horror stories Theodore had to tell me. We planned on watching and lmaoing at American Pie and eating popcorn for dinner but tickets were sold out everywhere sans Balestier. I resolutely refused to go to that ulu cinema again! So we bussed to Haji and ate falafel in Baghdad a shisha place with mountains of cushions everywhere and Arabic music.
In the dimly lit room with only 1 other customer, I innocently said: Eh tell me some ghost stories!!!
Expecting a silly fake story like Niran's, which was of a recruit taking a shit and seeing a pair of ghostly legs swinging from the top of the cubicle.
But instead I was treated to this horrific real story:
ICU BOY
Once upon a time in Tekong, a poor recruit was storing his duffel bag under his bed.
He looked down under the frame...
And saw a woman clinging to it upside down, staring at him!
I immediately thought of the night our class spent in an isolated Taiwanese hostel in the forest. Joy and I were sleeping on the floor when Amaris abruptly stuck her head over the ledge of her bunk bed with her hair streaming down and glared at us.
Like us, this poor recruit was paralyzed with fear and had to be brought to the ICU for treatment. Oh no...
By the end of dinner I was extremely intrigued and asked Ainsley for permission to follow him to Tekong when he enlists.
After that we went to shisha and relax. Ahhh ^^
I was forbidden from picking vanilla or durian flavours so I picked kiwi. Joy blanched when she came and found out but later admitted it was delicious. Yes it is!
Before that, a group of international school kids were at the table opposite us. They were discussing IB animatedly. One of them said loudly, "Guys, there's no difference between a 31 and 32. Why do I need a 32 when I can get into a great school with 31 points?" His friends at the table nodded and agreed heartily "Yeah ofc!"
Theodore looked at me with an aghast expression and started going "W.T.F? WTF? WTF?" and imitating them in their American accent. But I just looked at them fondly because people like them make Joy and my careers of tutoring IB kids much easier.
There was also a very very chio ang moh chick. Theodore and I kept looking at her discreetly (I hope).
I was in a blissful state when Arjun texted me and said he and Joy wanted to come. We said come come! and they zoomed over from church LOL.
Theodore and I: First time? Arjun: No...
Arjun: ...Yes
HAHAHA
Near midnight I decided to order some Egyptian cake whose name I forgot too, living up to my reputation of always eating and drinking exotic things! It was the size of a noseshit but it was soooo good. Arjun and I fought very viciously for the small crumbly leftovers.
At 2A.M Joy had gone home and Arjun and Theodore were talking endlessly about army and falling asleep. Arjun asked me to find out if our friends were going to Zouk, so I asked Lim Heng if he was home.
To my astonishment he wasn't at Zouk but in his house near Malaysia, "dying from diarrhoea".
It made me think of one night at dinner under a sky full of stars/satellites.
Brian: Go Zouk with us la Hao Kai: No, my dog is sick Brian: Seriously? What happened? Hao Kai: (very seriously) It's shitting a lot Brian: Wtf? Brian: (very seriously) That's called diarrhoea
I think I have a problem holding my laughter in. What is this disease called???
Poor Lim Heng anyway.
Speaking of that night at Astons, Tim Neo also told us a little story about Ben Soh before rushing home. Having lived life as a victim of everyone's bullying (even Celeste) for 19 years, Ben Soh is now exacting his revenge on his (slightly unfit) company!!!
He even created a nickname for some poor guy, "The Naked Man" which has spread like an STD throughout the island.
How did a story about a lizard turn into one about Ben Soh's tyranny in Tekong?
As the shisha place began to close, we began to walk out slowly. The next thing I knew, Theodore commented nonchalantly: Look, that lizard is soooo fat.
It was really SO fat! It was flesh-coloured, round in the middle, and hideous! Can you imagine it???
I started screaming like someone being mugged. The lizard got a little shock at my histrionics and began scampering away. But it was so obese that halfway up the wall, it fell off...
With a loud piak sound in front of us. AHHH!!!
I was traumatised; Arjun and Theodore shat themselves laughing though.
Since our American Pie plans died, Ainsley kindly agreed to watch it with me. We went for lunch with Celeste at EWF, and it felt just like when we would camp there after school. Celeste would have dance at 3 or 4pm and would be asking us indecisively if she should pon dance. We would then give her a long list of credible excuses to use for ponning but after eating she would ALWAYS just say: Aiyah nevermind I'll just go for dance...
And trudge off under the weight of her heavy backpack.
Sometimes we would also do stupid things like order spaghetti bolognaise and pronounce "bolognaise" in retarded ways with a straight face. I remember once Bchen said "Bo-log-nice" or "bo-logger-nay-see" LOL.
This time during lunch, Celeste told us a story of a spooky waiter at a certain restaurant. While she and her friend were sitting side by side, deciding what to order, the waiter - a tall and skinny middle aged man - poked his head in between their shoulders and extended a hand to point at the menu between them!!!
Suddenly she discovered a hole in the side of her shirt. She was distraught, especially after Ainsley and I kept teasing her by saying the creepy waiter cut a hole in her shirt so he could tickle her LOLOLOL.
Then Ainsley and I went to Topshop/Topman where we wanted everything but bought nothing.
Kasabian days, a post which mysteriously disappeared when I wanted to go back and read it!!! Here it is now!
While 99% of my friends are working/interning/learning/soldiering through the Tekong c-fest, what have I been doing?
I have finally had the precious experience of watching Kasabian live ^^ If you don't like them you should just skip this whole post and watch this eductional video
Or play some FIFA, which will subtly convert you into a raging Kasabian fan!
When they played in M'sia in 2009, but conveniently skipped out Singapore, Rachel and I were devastated. We half heartedly consoled ourselves that perhaps they made this decision so we won't be distracted before our O Lvls (lol) and felt a little bit better. But still heartbroken...
NOT ANYMORE
IT WAS SPECTACULAR
AND CRAZY
Queuing at 530, lolzing at P.Davies, "finding" a bottle opener in the toilet, 2 indian perverts, mozzies, drunk little boy collapsing into the bushes, blissful beer savouring Mel, sexy Vaccines band shirt, goodbye $45, failed attempt at smuggling wine in a big mineral water bottle, hippies everywhere rolling on the grass, staking our spot in 2nd row, playing some shark game on Rachel's phone, Mel running back and forth to buy more beer, friendly visiting Ang Mohs whose undies were visible through sheer dress, humongous Jager float, THE VACCINES, if you wanna, catching the drumstick they threw out (?!?!), a-m-a-n-d-a norgaard, pre-Kasabian break, waving at the cameras taking pics of the front rows (that's where the pic above is from!!! amazingly Rachel and I are there hahaha, she is wearing red specs), Human Centipedey logo, humongous outpouring of craziness from the crowd, KASABIAN, Tom's circley sunglasses, small rampaging Malay men thrashing their way to the front, brawny Ang Mohs shoving each other and stripping everywhere, whirlpool of violence*, Days Are Forgotten sexxxx, screaming but cannot hear your own voice, security swarming on misbehaving burly AMs, Sergio says hi, epic Club Foot chorus, aaahh-ing until encore, goodbye Kasabian, hello peeping Justin, waiting outside for Vaccines to re-emerge, envying the Brew Crew, buying snapples at 7/11, breezy ride home with Vaccines playing in the car, sleep
*It was really a whirlpool, people were shoving each other so hard some tumbled into the dirt or toppled over! I was displaced from the 2nd row to 6 or 7 and got jabbed by a cigarette and buffeted like a twig. Rachel was very resentful about how the slimy men flailing so fervently distracted her from the most epic bits (cos that was when they became especially vigorous).
Conclusively it was fantastic. I need Kasabian in my life.
Arjun ditched and I raged!!! At first I tried to be understanding.
Arjun: they wanna go bar Me: wtf don't liddat
After a while my patience VANISHED and I began whining to Joy on the phone while waiting outside the 313 toilet for her to pick me up, just like Moaning Myrtle.
Arjun: I'm in orchard still Me: I hate you I hope Lim Heng charges you 30 bux Arjun: Eh they say if Lim Heng can get us in they'll all go Me: I hope you die from genital warts Me: I hope Tai San takes your first kiss Arjun: Bitch!!! Arjun: I hope Ben Soh takes yours!!!
Our friendship was severed for the night.
It was quite fun though, David and his brother came and I gave him his birthday present.
Pls tell me if you would like to pay me for custom painted clothes/bags also!!! I'm penniless; giving tuition isn't working out for me :-( I'm so penniless that when I discovered $18 (mostly in coins) in my gambling money tin, I yelled out loud: PRAISE THE LORD!
LOL just kidding. But I'm rly poor now after paying so much for driving lessons. I can't even understand my intructors' Chinese + Chinese jokes half the time leh.
2. Sleepover at Rachel's house
They wanted to cycle at 1 am, like JQ, so we went downstairs to find unlocked bicycles. I had to pedal furiously on a purple My Little Pony training bike cos idk how to cycle :-(
And Rachel's mum locked the master bedroom, which contained the bath towels. Under Rachel's insistence we walked to Gas Station + 7/11 to buy towels. She bet that these 2 places would sell towels but ofc they didn't!!! Then we came back and saw the towels placed on an ironing board in the living room aiyo.
There was also a huge buzzing fly in the room. I had to smack it down with canoe paddles while Rachel pleaded for her bro to come and save the day. He just locked the door and ignored Lina's hysterical screaming that the fly was mating with the light bulb.
That night felt like a Big Bang Theory episode!!!
3. Return to our homeplace
After a few days (which is an eternity) for Ainsley and I, we went shopping at Topman/Topshop. Everything seemed brand new!!! I took a picture of Ainsley wearing round sunglasses to show him how he looked and he shrieked when he saw his pimple.
He was also ambushed by some art students who wanted to take his picture. That made him happy.
Topshop is my motherland it really is. Their playlist always sounds like it came from my computer and I would wear everything they sell. But I am penniless so all I can do is listen to songs like this and wish for more $ to spend there.
Do you feel like you are shopping there now, too?!?!? My dream is to open my wardrobe door and find myself magically transported to the flagship London Topshop store. Oh my goodness...
So please employ my services :-( I can draw anything like how I drew my school bag!!!
4. Juggernaut
Koon Min's intimidating threat to video me jumping rope like a noob at Muay Thai lessons scared me into hiding so I went to sign up secretly (ok the secret is blown, ~*2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead*~) at Juggernaut LOL. It was v fun. My hands smelled like a moudly asshole after I used the free for all gloves though. I had to soak them in Body Shop lotion for ten minutes before it went away yuck!
I also saw a boy with snakeskin texture and print gloves WOW. So on trend?
While I was walking to the bus stop a group of skateboarding boys started shouting at me: HI WHAT'S YOUR NAME? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
Then after I scuttled away I regretted not saying hi back because I always want friends to skate with. But I am shy. Does anyone want to give me skateboarding tuition?!?!?! Or rope jumping tuition LOL.
5. Back to the Sack Again
Ainsley, Celeste and I went back to school to collect our certs. And also to watch the Pretty Little Liars Finale!!! Jon, the last PLL, was absent because he was serving the military like Emily's dad.
We sneakily crept to some dark isolated spot near the squash courts (reminds me of all the clandestine activities of school days that will never happen again aww) and set up the video on Celeste's laptop. We really felt like the PLLs!
A PE ponning boy discovered us sitting in the shadows of a little corner and looked astonished. Celeste and I thought it was because it looked like there were 3 strangers watching a show randomly in an ulu area of the school. Ainsley said the boy's shock was more likely because he (Ainsley) looked like a lesbian.
We really missed school, especially seeing our friends all the time and doing stupid things with them...
5.12 DAYS. I will try describing this picture like some PSLE oral exam lmao.
This picture depicts the back row of an extremely fun-loving class. In the background, Shivam is harrassing Jon Koh with his outstretched tongue, while Jon Koh defends himself with 2 yellow plumbers (?? what's the word?). Their rowdy behaviour has upset Mok Man, whose placid expression is giving way to one of great disgruntlement. Perhaps he has wandered over to discuss Stella, gymming, or weight loss with David, who could be playing Scoops. Meanwhile Ainsley musically uses the plumbing devices as drumsticks and looks exhilarated. On David's other side, it could be Benita hard at work with either Joy, Amaris, or Gabriel. However it cannot be all three as the probability of ponning is 1 in 4 and if all inhabitants of the back row came to school, there would not be enough seats. Conclusively it looks like a good time going on; the speaker is probably blasting I Am Not A Whore or Memories.
the only reason to learn Manual is so you can drift
Q: "So what have you been doing?" *judgmental look*
A: I have been skiing in the Alps bitch
At least, that's what I would say in my mind :-(
Do you understand how stressful this question is for unemployed bums like me?! I guess I can say, "I'm gonna give tuition (but not yet)"..."I did a law internship (2931203 months ago)"..."I got a job at *** but IDK if I'm taking it (don't like people to know!)", but...
LOL I especially don't understand when people read my blog then ask me this question. Obviously I am spending my days frivolously!!
Today, Alex and I were bored and when he offered to let KM, Ben Soh and I visit his country club we agreed. I was extremely bored while they gymmed :-(
Me: I want to eat eggs benedict at Pique Nique Bensoh: Dafuq? Are you blind? Can't you see it's raining. I'm not freaking going to picnic with you at Botanic. I went there last week and got a hell lot of mosquito bites. Us: Lol BS
During lunch Ben Soh was full of stories about how wisely he spent his pre-Army days.
BS: Why the hell are you guys all working? Us: Wtf are you doing at home anyway? KM: Sleeping? Alex: Playing TF? Me: *mental image of BS leaping frenetically and shouting to Avicii one night*
LOL I just googled 'frenetically' to check if I was using the right word.
"Frenetically: Fast and energetic in a wild and rather uncontrolled way"
My vocab is definitely strong. Why didn't IB want to give me a 7 in English :'(
BS: I've been doing so much la Us: So much what? BS: Shit la! I've been doing so much shit okay, damn a lot of shit *righteous tone*
Sigh Ben Soh. I remember in the start of Year 5, when Gabriel was bullying Bensoh about something or other. I asked him why everyone makes fun of Bensoh and he said it was inexplicable, like an instinct of nature. It's really true you know, even kind-hearted Celeste once threw a packet of marshmallows on his face while he was sleeping before LOL.
BS: Eh call me before you leave I wanna shop at H&M. I need chinos. Alex: What the hell? You're going to army tomorrow BS: So? Go army cannot wear chinos?
Haha anyway, I just read something very hilarious that inspired me to blog in the first place. He's a blogger named Eric Lim and reading his blog always makes me feel like I'm talking to a high Ainsley Ah Beng!!
Anyway I'm going to find and watch The Walking Dead Ep 11 now woohoo!! Finally discovered someone else (Alcan) who watches it too. If Season 2 had not been out, I would encourage everyone to go and DL it (quick before Piratebay closes also!!). But S2 is just nonsense, I also dk why I'm so eager to watch it.
What I expect from a zombie show: Brains + gore + violence + Daryl Dixon in every ep What Season 2 gives me: A lot of random sex + Gossip Girl style love triangle wtf
This post was typed from my iphone, which has the most retarded autocorrect on earth: it once changed 'i see dead people' into 'i see deaf people '.
In the morning I woke up at 830 and as I turned off the alarm on my phone I saw an urgent message.
Bchen: hey are u comin for the awards ceremony?? Me: nope!! Bchen: why!!!! Me: idk I forgot Bchen: there's a seat for you here. Cab down now!! Me: but I'm still in my pyjamas. Monkey print some more.
I climbed sleepily out of bed and slowly changed out of the pyjamas.
Arjun: hodge is giving a snore worthy speech now
I changed back into my pyjamas and decided to come for the reception.
Mum: are you going out? Me: yeah I eat breakfast first Mum: then you're going to school to eat again? Me: Ofc
What kind of question is that! I have been yearning to pillage the founders day buffet ever since year 5.
1115
I get to school and my friends are in the sack!
David had doubled in size. I wonder how buff he's gonna be when he comes out of NS.
Niran looked and sounded exactly the same! His army stories made everyone laugh like mad.
Bchen looked less Malay than before. He cannot marry aishah anymore.
Gabriel was nowhere to be found :-(
Bensoh had a new haircut. He made a dramatic entrance into the sack, inciting cries of recognition, amazement and lolz from everyone. He waved his hands like a celebrity in a "calm down folks" style.
7heodore was so happy to be out of tekong.
I cannot type his name with the T instead of the 7
Mr Jarrett: (to me) You look like a Japanese Mr Jarett: (to Joy) You look very stressed Me and Joy: LOL
He also thought Bchen was wang.
Mr kan: eh Brian wang!! Why didn't you go on stage when they called your name!? Bchen: I'm Brian tan -.- Mr kan: huh? Then who is the other one Ajinkya: the tall one Mr kan: this one is also tall Koon min: with specs Mr kan: he also has what! (whatevs face)
No wonder uncle jare cannot differentiate. Bchen looked sad. It seems like all the intrusive hugs he and the other boys forced upon Mr Kan have been blocked from his memory!
The cream puffs and apple strudels were so yummy especially to the food deprived army boys.
After that Joy and I went across the road to buy a waffle, just like old times :-)
The shop had great business and a long long queue so we changed course and headed for the NTUC. It brought back memories of how we spent our Lego competition prize money on retardes snacks there, and of always running into Marcus, who would tap our shoulders!
We parted ways and I went home to meet Rachel!
Arjun: how come you were so late! Did you get the award in the end? Me: lol I didn't. Cos I was damn lazy and my maid cooked me eggs I wanted to eat them slowly.
Lol I can't believe my own gluttony/laziness. If anyone has a cure pls tell me so I can evolve from the sloth I am now to a hardworking civilian :-(
Ainsley, Joy and I went to the Botanic Gardens to have an outdoorsy threesome after days of traipsing through town, where we bought new clothes woohoo ^^
NEW SEXY SHOES I don't understand why my mum can't extend my curfews now that I have these. Which robber would be brave enough to mug someone armed with these spiked shoes???
Ainsley's $3 YSL inspired ring vs Jonk's many hundred dollar worth real ring!!
Amidst the flurry of rabid pigeons that Ainsley attracted when he fed one innocent-looking bird, Joy introduced us to a profound school of thought called Kokology. Here's a devious Joy holding the book (which got shat on by angry bird moments later). It judges your character by your responses to scenarios, like Berry Stealing, a situation Joy presented to Ains and I. Try it also!!
*Joy's dialogue slightly altered*
Joy: You're walking through the countryside when you see a big field of berries. You want to pick some, but they belong to someone else who has blocked strangers out with a fence! How high is the fence? Ainsley: Around knee-height Me: Very high, like in a concentration camp!!
Joy: You climb over the fence like a berry craving monkey. How many berries do you illegally eat? Ainsley: A handful I think, several Me: As many as I can eat, a whole basket!
Joy: Oh no! The farmer approaches, looking angry. He demands to know what you're doing! How are you going to explain yourself?! Ainsley: I say sorry and run away very fast Me: I start talking in Chinese and pretend I'm a PRC tourist who doesn't understand
Joy: After the whole incident is resolved, how do you feel as you reflect upon it? How did the berries taste? Ainsley: A bit ashamed. The berries were sour. Me: Satisfied. The berries were super ripe and juicy!
ANSWERS
Joy: This test is about sexual affairs Ainsley and I: Huh?!
Joy: LOL. The height of the fence represents your level of discipline toward sexual matters Ainsley: *blush*
Joy: LOL. The number of berries you eat represents the number of sexual affairs you might have Me: Oh no
Joy: LOL. Your response to the farmer represents your likely reaction when confronted by your spouse about your cheating Me: Aiyooo run away! Ainsley: HAHAHA act like PRC
Joy: LOL. Your reflection on the incident represents what you might feel after your extramarital affair Me and Ainsley: :0
I want to know your answers too! But I have no comments system :'( and nevertheless, this is just kokology anyway.
We have been trying to arrange a class zoo outing since fundraising 2010 (foiled by David Gabriel and Jonk coming to school abit hungover). Stan created and sent out multiple ZOO TIME NIGGAS FB invitations, which didn't work in the end!
Unexpectedly, the zoo plan materialized for Joy, Ainsley and I this week ^^ We met in the morning at 1030 (so early!) at AMK, where we saw Bonus Tai San, who had accompanied Ainsley at breakfast.
Our aim was to be the most retarded visitors the zoo has ever welcomed.
First it was the treetop trails. Monkeys mouse deer and gharials!
My friend Mingyang
HAHAHA
Joy was full of factual stories about how and which animals had previously attacked zookeepers. Ainsley replied to the tragic story by saying that the white tiger would look great on a tank top, better than an orange tiger.
Joy and Ainsley pretending to be pygmy hippos.
We were surprised to see so many faces at the zoo. Does this remind you of...?
Sweet family of orang utans!
We moved to the Wild Africa section of the zoo, and all Ainsley and I could do was cry repeatedly over how chio the animal prints were.
CHEETAH PRINT
ZEBRA PRINT (with a dip dyed lavender tail?!)
GIRAFFE PRINT Ainsley: Dat Ass!
LEOPARD PRINT Just like me!
JAGUAR PRINT Joy: Ainsley...why do you take these things? Ainsley: What? It just spread its legs for me
Nice picture of the lion Ainsley took Me: Not that big what, looks very small. I think it's the size of a Golden Retriever nia. Ainsley: You have no sense of proportion
Celeste Teo's home!!! HAHA.
We were repulsed and horrified to discover that the naked molerats were given a huge new enclosure.
Next we went to the Fragile Forest, where Joy confronted her childhood fear!
The true angry bird. This creature had chased Joy when she was young and only kept running the faster she sprinted.
Joy (scrolling through Ainsley's camera): There is a recurring theme of private parts in this bunch of photos.
She's right
Flashers everywhere
It's Bubbles
Ainsley's bleached shorts are nice
At the Kid's World, I persuaded Ainsley and Joy to take a ride on the carousel! We ended up having to buy the grown up tickets and were the only 3 people on it. The lady in charge of the queue lolzed at us.
We ran to our favourite animals immediately!
Landshark on a landshark
Biggest cock we've ever seen
This made me feel like a night elf in WOW.
We saw this little boy on a leash at the entrance of the kid's world!
Miniature ponies. We also wanted to ride them but we were too big.
Landshark attempt 2. Ainsley's mouth is open because he kept instructing me on how to use his flash. The noble boy sacrificed the glamness of his pic for the sake of Joy's lighting.
I was determined to hug every crocodile in the zoo
I CAN HAS SARS
Ainsley: OMG this would be a great bag.
FLASHER ALERT
Stoner Joy
A happy elephant. We kept discussing how it was probably laughing listening to our jokes with its gigantic ears. It turned out its mouth was open while waiting for its trunk to pick up leaves to eat.
Ainsley's family
Hideous baboon, just like Joy's taxi driver said. He also warned Joy against "parrots who want to stick to you"
I wore my sheep mask and climbed into the kangaroo enclosure. Ainsley pretended to be a charmed tourist.
I came all the way from Australia! Good quality lamb meat.
Can we have some wo-tar, mate? *Australian accent*
Wild Australian creatures!
We also caught the giraffe feeding session. OMG it was so stressful, what with the giraffe's long creeping tongue licking everywhere, the indian zookeeper giving you intructions bossily in a thick lolz-inducing accent, and the pressure to pose for the camera man who kept snapping pictures at the speed of Arjun.
Joy was so delighted/stoned she gave no thought to the indian man's criticisms on the way she was feeding. Look at him in the background hahaha, he looks disgruntled.
Its tongue is as blue as a bubblegum slushie.
Joy and I wearing caps JQ style. I unexpectedly miss JQ although he scares me sometimes.
The tram came to its final stop, and we were prepared to leave the zoo. However, there was one last thing to do. There were some seal statues that we'd wanted to take pictures with, but a group of puny kids was sprawled over them the first time we passed. Grr. This time however...
HAHA this reminds me of someone listening to the sound of waves in a seashell.
Queen of the seals
King of the seals
We were inspired by an exuberant Indian tourist who pretended to be a knight on the seal.
Flamingo Ainsley
LOL there used to a be a picture of us using mosquito patches as bindis here. But it's simply too retarded, I had to remove it.
